I dont know about you but life is wonderful! everything happens for a reason and i keep realizing how much i have grown, and not grown. life is like putting my iPod on shuffle...you can be skipping along having a gay old time and all of a sudden this depressing song comes on that you are just not feeling but once its done out of the blue Zeppelin rocks your socks off and tells you to just ramble on! wonderful! do you know what im talking about? if no thats ok.
Can i just say that once something is done and there is nothing you can do about it, learn the lesson and LET IT GO, you will gain nothing if you just sit and think about how bad you wish things were different, NOTHING! just go about your business and proceed along your wonderful little journey! take note this is wonderful advice..
ps. sorry for the lack of punctuation and capitalizations
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
hhhmmmmm..
Note to self: People DO read your blog!!!
Note to everyone: Don't blog at work and especially ABOUT work!
Friday, September 19, 2008
...
"The doctor of the future will give no medicine but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, in diet, and in the cause and prevention of disease." -Thomas Madison
10 THINGS I HATE AND 11 THINGS I LOVE
10 THINGS I HATE
1- RUDE IDIOTS
2- THE PHRASE "SPANKING THE MONKEY"!!!
3- BACK FAT..EEWW
4- BUFFETS
5- PANIC ATTACKS
6- MEAT
7- MATERIALISTIC FOOLS
8- CABLE TV
9- NOT HAVING A “BEST” FRIEND BESIDES CALE
10- BUGS
11 THINGS I LOVE
1- WEEKENDS
2- YOGA & CRUNCHES
3- “QUANTUM WELLNESS”
4- MARC BROUSSARD
5- LOSING WEIGHT
6- EXTRA DARK CHOCOLATE
7- RESTRICTING
8- BAKING FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS
9- KISSING MY BOYS
10- BEING VEGETARIAN
11- DID I MENTION LOSING WEIGHT
1- RUDE IDIOTS
2- THE PHRASE "SPANKING THE MONKEY"!!!
3- BACK FAT..EEWW
4- BUFFETS
5- PANIC ATTACKS
6- MEAT
7- MATERIALISTIC FOOLS
8- CABLE TV
9- NOT HAVING A “BEST” FRIEND BESIDES CALE
10- BUGS
11 THINGS I LOVE
1- WEEKENDS
2- YOGA & CRUNCHES
3- “QUANTUM WELLNESS”
4- MARC BROUSSARD
5- LOSING WEIGHT
6- EXTRA DARK CHOCOLATE
7- RESTRICTING
8- BAKING FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS
9- KISSING MY BOYS
10- BEING VEGETARIAN
11- DID I MENTION LOSING WEIGHT
Monday, September 15, 2008
Do I look FAT today????
I seriously think about my weight waaaay too much. When I’m not trying to loose weight I constantly think about how grossly F-A-T I am, even though my boyfriend tells me I am just perfect, yah yah yah. And when I am trying to loose weight, like I now am, I think about the number on the scale and analyze all the food I am (or not) consuming. I love myself and my life but whenever I get in a funk, especially when there isn’t a particular reason, I totally focus on dropping pounds and getting even healthier. Cause I know it will fill that void of whatever is missing and making me down. Do I have a problem, no I don’t think so, not at all. I probably did when I used to revolve my whole life around my body and would get “rid of” anything I consumed, back in the day. But now I focus more on health and a more natural based diet. So that’s ok. I guess I just need to make sure I find a balance and don’t go over bored. I have always had such an “all or nothing” attitude but like I said now it isn’t so much about calorie counting but what kind of food I am putting in my body.
I love being vegetarian, one of the MANY reasons is probably because I get to restrict food without people thinking I want to loose weight. I always hated people criticizing me when they saw me watching what I ate and feeling the need to share their opinion on weather I needed to or not. Keep it to yourself fatty! I am not under weight and haven’t been since I had Keller so that hasn’t been an issue. So why am I writing about this? I just need to reassure myself I am not going crazy and putting my thoughts into words helps me process these obsessive thoughts of mine. Wonder who even reads my blog???
I love being vegetarian, one of the MANY reasons is probably because I get to restrict food without people thinking I want to loose weight. I always hated people criticizing me when they saw me watching what I ate and feeling the need to share their opinion on weather I needed to or not. Keep it to yourself fatty! I am not under weight and haven’t been since I had Keller so that hasn’t been an issue. So why am I writing about this? I just need to reassure myself I am not going crazy and putting my thoughts into words helps me process these obsessive thoughts of mine. Wonder who even reads my blog???
Monday, September 8, 2008
Kelly is vegatarian....and now sober.
I haven’t been going out much, like at all, so when I finally did Saturday for my friend’s joint birthday party I was out of control. How ridiculous, I mean really, I don’t drink for almost 2 months and then go out and start taking shots like I can drink like the rest of ‘em! UGH!
I was so sick the next day I had to miss my good friends son’s 1st birthday party!!! I was so upset and disappointed in myself. I truly was enjoying these past few months of sobriety! I don’t plan on ever getting that drunk again! EVER! And I mean it, don’t laugh! My body was so taken back by all the alcohol it was fed, none of the dancing and socializing was even worth it! First meat now alcohol…what’s next????
I was so sick the next day I had to miss my good friends son’s 1st birthday party!!! I was so upset and disappointed in myself. I truly was enjoying these past few months of sobriety! I don’t plan on ever getting that drunk again! EVER! And I mean it, don’t laugh! My body was so taken back by all the alcohol it was fed, none of the dancing and socializing was even worth it! First meat now alcohol…what’s next????
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
A good morning.
This morning I woke up and was in a really optimistic mood even though I wanted to sleep like 2 more hours! I love days like that, where you feel super blessed (I use that word a lot) for the simple fact your alive and able to go about your day breathing and healthy. God I’m weird. This feeling is probably because I spent Thursday threw Sunday morning in a lot of pain and I'm grateful to be better! Don’t ask me what I had, the doctor didn’t know either even after labs and ultra-sounds. It hurt really BAD under my ribs every time I breathed in, it then moved to my back, it was horrible. Or maybe it’s the effects all ready of my new diet. Yeah I have gone to the other side…vegetarian. No, this is not just a temporary claim, this is a concrete lifestyle change addressing my health and values. Thanks to the book I’m reading (Quantum Wellness) and Peta.org I can’t bare to even look at meat anymore. So anyway summer is transitioning into fall and I personally couldn’t be happier. I’m so excited for jeans, sweatshirts, cool crisp air, and socks! I am sick of the humidity and looking at my fat arms! : )
Sunday, August 31, 2008
I love my little man!
Yesterday I was taking a nap with Keller. I was pretty much spooning him and my nose was in his hair. There is no moment in my everyday life better then ones like this! The smell of his sweet head sends my brain so many endorphins, or whatever they call it, that I can't help but put a smile on my face. He brings me so much peace and happiness its ridiculous! I thank God for him every time I look at him and realize what a healthy, wonderful little soul was given to me to nurture. I am so blessed! 
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
"Kelly you're pregnant."
So I started a blog as way to journal and vent when I need to! Well I think I will start with being pregnant because I don't have anything in particular on my mind today.
So it’s 2005, I’m 21, I just got done binge drinking in Madison for Halloween and trying to get over my boyfriend of 11 months. I’m hangin out with my friend and I say “I feel kind of pregnant” and she’s like lets go get a test, why not there’s nothing else to do. And I know I couldn't have been, since we had broke up over a month ago we only slept together once, during an encounter at Eau Claire homecoming. So here we are in my little one bedroom apartment and I hand the stick to my friend and say “oh it’s negative, no worries”. I walk to the bathroom and I here my friend yell “Kelly this is positive, you're pregnant!” and walk back to the bedroom and looked at the box and then the stick again and started laughing…a lot. (I was only 14 days along so I only had 2 weekends of partying to worry about thank goodness) So I go get a blood test at the clinic and a couple hours later while eating at the brewery with my friend (and this is why I originally thought I was knocked up because I kept letting myself eat gross foods and gained 6 lbs in 2 weeks…keep in mind I never ate much during this period of my life, maybe a piece of bread or tomato soup.) I get a call and the sweet girl says, “your test came back positive, you’re pregnant.” A moment of silence goes by and she starts rambling on about my first checkup and July 4th being my due date..WOOOOOH HOLD THE PHONE! Due date?? As in when a book report is due, or wait she’s talking about the day I might be lying on my back pushing and breathing and screaming for mercy because a 8ish lb human being will be making its way out of my secret place. It was way to much info, I started to get really light headed and asked if I could call her tomorrow. I hung up, asked for my bill, wasted a $15 order of pasta and told my friend we had to GO! A couple hours later I’m at Cale’s door (he had recently moved home with his mom and sister..fyi, he tragically lost his dad 2 years before this and was still really lost and withdrawn) with a face that looked like I had just gotten 50 botox shots and then saw a ghost! He was like “What’s up?..What?” I walk directly to his room in the basement, looked at him and said, “I’m pregnant.” In the tiniest whisper and a massive lump in my throat. He didn’t hear me the first time so I had to repeat it. He then had the same look on his face and we both sat down in shock. We talked very little except both making it very clear we wouldn’t even consider abortion.
During the first trimester (SICK! Lived on saltines and 7up) we tried getting back together but with my hormones and his lack of communication, empathy, acknowledgment, and cooperation things ended in January. We didn’t speak until the end of March for the exception of his TEXT message that read “Happy Birthday” for my 22nd February 24th. Gag me!
I had made a promise to myself that I would never pursue a relationship with Cale and if we were ever to get back together it would have to be aaaalll him and he would really have to show me the love other wise we would be raising this child together but not “together”. I couldn't be the only one contributing to the relationship like before. Another FYI: After I found out I was “with child” I totally and completely embraced it. I became what Cale now likes to call me a “Mother Hen”. I was really at peace with becoming a mother it all felt very natural, I really needed all of it. Me accepting the weight gain is another story.
SO, so far this chapter has been a happily ever after. We started talking in late March when he called me for a ride home because he had drank too much. Even though I was a bit bitter I didn't act on it and plus he made me laugh when he stated singing along to “Here I go Again” by WhiteSnake like he had forgoten I was in the car with him. Hilarious!
So everything snowballed from there, he did a complete 180, it was like night and day. He was there with open arms. He is such a good man that way, even though he had to take some time on his own to really take everything in, once he put his game face on he was in it for good. He has been by my side ever since. We went to appointments together we went to lamaze together. He was the best birth partner I could have ever asked for! Our family heard him “pushing” with me from out in the hall. It was because of him that I was able to follow our birth plan and got through it NATURALLY! Yes, natural childbirth, what a beautiful, or do I mean painful, thing! LOL No, it wasn't that bad.
July 15 2006 they handed Keller to me right away all gooey and everything and it was the most wonderful moment of my life. I can’t even put it into words, my heart melted and I fell SO in love with that PERFECT little man I thought I was going to pass out from happiness. Gosh just talking about it makes me want to go home and make another one. Watch out Cale!
So it’s 2005, I’m 21, I just got done binge drinking in Madison for Halloween and trying to get over my boyfriend of 11 months. I’m hangin out with my friend and I say “I feel kind of pregnant” and she’s like lets go get a test, why not there’s nothing else to do. And I know I couldn't have been, since we had broke up over a month ago we only slept together once, during an encounter at Eau Claire homecoming. So here we are in my little one bedroom apartment and I hand the stick to my friend and say “oh it’s negative, no worries”. I walk to the bathroom and I here my friend yell “Kelly this is positive, you're pregnant!” and walk back to the bedroom and looked at the box and then the stick again and started laughing…a lot. (I was only 14 days along so I only had 2 weekends of partying to worry about thank goodness) So I go get a blood test at the clinic and a couple hours later while eating at the brewery with my friend (and this is why I originally thought I was knocked up because I kept letting myself eat gross foods and gained 6 lbs in 2 weeks…keep in mind I never ate much during this period of my life, maybe a piece of bread or tomato soup.) I get a call and the sweet girl says, “your test came back positive, you’re pregnant.” A moment of silence goes by and she starts rambling on about my first checkup and July 4th being my due date..WOOOOOH HOLD THE PHONE! Due date?? As in when a book report is due, or wait she’s talking about the day I might be lying on my back pushing and breathing and screaming for mercy because a 8ish lb human being will be making its way out of my secret place. It was way to much info, I started to get really light headed and asked if I could call her tomorrow. I hung up, asked for my bill, wasted a $15 order of pasta and told my friend we had to GO! A couple hours later I’m at Cale’s door (he had recently moved home with his mom and sister..fyi, he tragically lost his dad 2 years before this and was still really lost and withdrawn) with a face that looked like I had just gotten 50 botox shots and then saw a ghost! He was like “What’s up?..What?” I walk directly to his room in the basement, looked at him and said, “I’m pregnant.” In the tiniest whisper and a massive lump in my throat. He didn’t hear me the first time so I had to repeat it. He then had the same look on his face and we both sat down in shock. We talked very little except both making it very clear we wouldn’t even consider abortion.
During the first trimester (SICK! Lived on saltines and 7up) we tried getting back together but with my hormones and his lack of communication, empathy, acknowledgment, and cooperation things ended in January. We didn’t speak until the end of March for the exception of his TEXT message that read “Happy Birthday” for my 22nd February 24th. Gag me!
I had made a promise to myself that I would never pursue a relationship with Cale and if we were ever to get back together it would have to be aaaalll him and he would really have to show me the love other wise we would be raising this child together but not “together”. I couldn't be the only one contributing to the relationship like before. Another FYI: After I found out I was “with child” I totally and completely embraced it. I became what Cale now likes to call me a “Mother Hen”. I was really at peace with becoming a mother it all felt very natural, I really needed all of it. Me accepting the weight gain is another story.
SO, so far this chapter has been a happily ever after. We started talking in late March when he called me for a ride home because he had drank too much. Even though I was a bit bitter I didn't act on it and plus he made me laugh when he stated singing along to “Here I go Again” by WhiteSnake like he had forgoten I was in the car with him. Hilarious!
So everything snowballed from there, he did a complete 180, it was like night and day. He was there with open arms. He is such a good man that way, even though he had to take some time on his own to really take everything in, once he put his game face on he was in it for good. He has been by my side ever since. We went to appointments together we went to lamaze together. He was the best birth partner I could have ever asked for! Our family heard him “pushing” with me from out in the hall. It was because of him that I was able to follow our birth plan and got through it NATURALLY! Yes, natural childbirth, what a beautiful, or do I mean painful, thing! LOL No, it wasn't that bad.
July 15 2006 they handed Keller to me right away all gooey and everything and it was the most wonderful moment of my life. I can’t even put it into words, my heart melted and I fell SO in love with that PERFECT little man I thought I was going to pass out from happiness. Gosh just talking about it makes me want to go home and make another one. Watch out Cale!
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