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Yesterday I was taking a nap with Keller. I was pretty much spooning him and my nose was in his hair. There is no moment in my everyday life better then ones like this! The smell of his sweet head sends my brain so many endorphins, or whatever they call it, that I can't help but put a smile on my face. He brings me so much peace and happiness its ridiculous! I thank God for him every time I look at him and realize what a healthy, wonderful little soul was given to me to nurture. I am so blessed! 
So I started a blog as way to journal and vent when I need to! Well I think I will start with being pregnant because I don't have anything in particular on my mind today.
So it’s 2005, I’m 21, I just got done binge drinking in Madison for Halloween and trying to get over my boyfriend of 11 months. I’m hangin out with my friend and I say “I feel kind of pregnant” and she’s like lets go get a test, why not there’s nothing else to do. And I know I couldn't have been, since we had broke up over a month ago we only slept together once, during an encounter at Eau Claire homecoming. So here we are in my little one bedroom apartment and I hand the stick to my friend and say “oh it’s negative, no worries”. I walk to the bathroom and I here my friend yell “Kelly this is positive, you're pregnant!” and walk back to the bedroom and looked at the box and then the stick again and started laughing…a lot. (I was only 14 days along so I only had 2 weekends of partying to worry about thank goodness) So I go get a blood test at the clinic and a couple hours later while eating at the brewery with my friend (and this is why I originally thought I was knocked up because I kept letting myself eat gross foods and gained 6 lbs in 2 weeks…keep in mind I never ate much during this period of my life, maybe a piece of bread or tomato soup.) I get a call and the sweet girl says, “your test came back positive, you’re pregnant.” A moment of silence goes by and she starts rambling on about my first checkup and July 4th being my due date..WOOOOOH HOLD THE PHONE! Due date?? As in when a book report is due, or wait she’s talking about the day I might be lying on my back pushing and breathing and screaming for mercy because a 8ish lb human being will be making its way out of my secret place. It was way to much info, I started to get really light headed and asked if I could call her tomorrow. I hung up, asked for my bill, wasted a $15 order of pasta and told my friend we had to GO! A couple hours later I’m at Cale’s door (he had recently moved home with his mom and sister..fyi, he tragically lost his dad 2 years before this and was still really lost and withdrawn) with a face that looked like I had just gotten 50 botox shots and then saw a ghost! He was like “What’s up?..What?” I walk directly to his room in the basement, looked at him and said, “I’m pregnant.” In the tiniest whisper and a massive lump in my throat. He didn’t hear me the first time so I had to repeat it. He then had the same look on his face and we both sat down in shock. We talked very little except both making it very clear we wouldn’t even consider abortion.
During the first trimester (SICK! Lived on saltines and 7up) we tried getting back together but with my hormones and his lack of communication, empathy, acknowledgment, and cooperation things ended in January. We didn’t speak until the end of March for the exception of his TEXT message that read “Happy Birthday” for my 22nd February 24th. Gag me!
I had made a promise to myself that I would never pursue a relationship with Cale and if we were ever to get back together it would have to be aaaalll him and he would really have to show me the love other wise we would be raising this child together but not “together”. I couldn't be the only one contributing to the relationship like before. Another FYI: After I found out I was “with child” I totally and completely embraced it. I became what Cale now likes to call me a “Mother Hen”. I was really at peace with becoming a mother it all felt very natural, I really needed all of it. Me accepting the weight gain is another story.
SO, so far this chapter has been a happily ever after. We started talking in late March when he called me for a ride home because he had drank too much. Even though I was a bit bitter I didn't act on it and plus he made me laugh when he stated singing along to “Here I go Again” by WhiteSnake like he had forgoten I was in the car with him. Hilarious!
So everything snowballed from there, he did a complete 180, it was like night and day. He was there with open arms. He is such a good man that way, even though he had to take some time on his own to really take everything in, once he put his game face on he was in it for good. He has been by my side ever since. We went to appointments together we went to lamaze together. He was the best birth partner I could have ever asked for! Our family heard him “pushing” with me from out in the hall. It was because of him that I was able to follow our birth plan and got through it NATURALLY! Yes, natural childbirth, what a beautiful, or do I mean painful, thing! LOL No, it wasn't that bad.
July 15 2006 they handed Keller to me right away all gooey and everything and it was the most wonderful moment of my life. I can’t even put it into words, my heart melted and I fell SO in love with that PERFECT little man I thought I was going to pass out from happiness. Gosh just talking about it makes me want to go home and make another one. Watch out Cale!
