I seriously think about my weight waaaay too much. When I’m not trying to loose weight I constantly think about how grossly F-A-T I am, even though my boyfriend tells me I am just perfect, yah yah yah. And when I am trying to loose weight, like I now am, I think about the number on the scale and analyze all the food I am (or not) consuming. I love myself and my life but whenever I get in a funk, especially when there isn’t a particular reason, I totally focus on dropping pounds and getting even healthier. Cause I know it will fill that void of whatever is missing and making me down. Do I have a problem, no I don’t think so, not at all. I probably did when I used to revolve my whole life around my body and would get “rid of” anything I consumed, back in the day. But now I focus more on health and a more natural based diet. So that’s ok. I guess I just need to make sure I find a balance and don’t go over bored. I have always had such an “all or nothing” attitude but like I said now it isn’t so much about calorie counting but what kind of food I am putting in my body.
I love being vegetarian, one of the MANY reasons is probably because I get to restrict food without people thinking I want to loose weight. I always hated people criticizing me when they saw me watching what I ate and feeling the need to share their opinion on weather I needed to or not. Keep it to yourself fatty! I am not under weight and haven’t been since I had Keller so that hasn’t been an issue. So why am I writing about this? I just need to reassure myself I am not going crazy and putting my thoughts into words helps me process these obsessive thoughts of mine. Wonder who even reads my blog???
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2 comments:
OK, here is my two cents. I think once you have once "been there", meaning restriction, binging, purging, whatever...I think "it" is always there. Everyday. No matter how healthy we now are. No matter how much we swear to never go back "to that"...the thoughts are always with us. So it is just a matter of listening to them, and reacting to them, in a different, more normal way.
So, are you crazy? No. Anyway, I believe that crazy is the new normal. And no, you don't look fat today. You look great.
I am laughing my ass off! (if only you could really laugh it OFF)
But my word verification started with OCD....
perfect!
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